My first contribution. Let me know what you think.
It wasn't that bad for your first attempt. It had quite a decent lead-in. However, the story ended very abruptly.
SPOILER SPACE (highlight with your mouse to read):
[ooc]After all, Miyuki's accident happened before break time. You failed to explain whether she eventually went home early or spent the rest of her 9-hour workday in her wet skirt or what. How would she get over this incident, or does she at all?[/ooc]
Anyway, as I said, for your first try, it was okay. I suggest against such a sudden ending next time, though.
True, I should have made it longer.
My inspiration for the story was from Giga/Zeus omorashi videos, by the way.