Anime Girl Desperation Official Forum

Creative Writing => Fiction => Topic started by: r3 on July 25, 2009, 03:54:16 PM

Title: A story I wrote some time ago
Post by: r3 on July 25, 2009, 03:54:16 PM
I wrote this for what used to be called nyou.autobotiacon.com under the username sdfe (I can assure you it is me)

http://nyou.animegirldesp.org/nf/viewstory.php?sid=210&ageconsent=ok&warning=3

It's a pretty ordinary Metroid fic, about an awkward situation for our heroine.

Comments are, of course, welcome - I'm planning to write something else in the near future and would like advice.
Title: Re: A story I wrote some time ago
Post by: DubiousCharms on July 25, 2009, 07:39:01 PM
This is good! I love the first-person perspective, and it was done pretty well. I'd avoid run-on sentences - there are a few in this story. But otherwise it was a great internal description of desperation. Hot, too!
Title: Re: A story I wrote some time ago
Post by: roy7 on July 29, 2009, 11:55:47 PM
Not bad at all, I'd really like to see more stories about Samus, especially some where she doesn't make it. Good read though, I look forward to more.
Title: Re: A story I wrote some time ago
Post by: r3 on July 31, 2009, 04:37:13 PM
I've just put a version of this up in the Original Content Thread and downloads area where Samus doesn't make it, as some people wanted to see this turn of events.

I hope it's OK!