My first Fanfic ^^ I uploaded it to the downloads section, it's a Naruto-based one recounting the academy years of the three 'rookie' girls. Let me know what you guys think.
The story is good, but the writing is odd. Don't tell us what the girls are thinking, have them think it.
I don't like 'thought as text' I actually find it confusing, and would rather clearly differentiate by refering to it in third person rather than have them internally vocalize.
Well you can do that but the way you write seems very unusual and odd.
Bravo! Great first story. :clap: I want to see many more from you.
I think you did fine with detailing thoughts. I had to go back and re-read the story to even see what sipplewat meant. It's just a style of writing, both ways are perfectly valid in my uneducated opinion. I think theres something missing from the way you describe thoughts, but I can't put my finger on it. I'm sure once you develop a voice as a writer any awkwardness in your prose will go away on it's own.
Heh, I don't mind the review, I got straight A+'s in English at High School, and I've been RPing for 11 years now, so I must be doing something right ;) Just, different strokes for different folks I suppose.
Agreed with anathema. Neither style is "wrong".
I use thought as text so i can have characters think in their own dialect. Bad grammer, slang, and other such things wouldn't work in third person so i sometimes find it easier if the character makes the point and not me.
That's kind of my point, it fleshes out the characters in a way describing thoughts doesn't.
Wow. That story is awesome! You can improve on the writing style a little bit, but it's pretty good to be your first story. Keep up the good work!