Azula, Mai and Ty Lee's Bane Part 1

[animewetting]

Aang dodged the flaming fireball hurled at him by Azula, quickly retaliating with a landslide. She nimbly jumped out of the way,smiling evily. Toph tried to catch her off guard, but had to duck Ty Lee's fingers.
Meanwhile Katara, Sokka, and Suki were all in combat with Mai. She flung three knives all of which were stopped by Katara's wall of ice.

" We can't pin them down! They're untouchable!" Toph suddenly remebered what had happended to her in a previous story by anime lover. She looked at them. "The outside is untouchable... but the inside isn't!" she smiled. " Aang, trap them!"
Aang and Toph used earthbending to slam Azula, Mai, and Ty Lee against the wall, trapping them by their hands and feet in earth. Toph then whispered to Katara, who smiled devilishly before beckoning everyone over.

While they were gone, Ty Lee began to whimper. " Azula, I need to go potty." Mai looked at Azula. "Yeah I need to take a leak, too."  Azula turned to face the front." I too am experiencing discomfort in my bladder.

What could those insufferable brats be doing?" Just then Katara came out with a giant pot with a yellow liquid inside. "Is that...urine?" asked Azula, disgusted. Katara grinned. She then pulled of Azula, Mai, and Tylee's pants, exposing their hairless labias.

"W-what are you doing?" Azula demanded, slightly afraid. "teaching you a lesson" Katara said she quickly bended the pee out of Azula's urethra, and seperated in in two, placing one ball in Mai's bladder, and the other in Ty Lee's. Both started squirming with the effort of holding Azula's urine in their bladders along with their own.

Azula, now devoid of pee, looked at Katara evilly. " Now What?" Katara just grinned. Azula looked down at the pot below her. "No,please, no..." she pleaded. Katara bended a massive ball of everyones pee and lowered it to Azula's crotch. Then she started threading it in to Azula's urethra. Once everyones pee was inside Azula's bladder, Azula moned at the strain of containing everyone's urine.

To be Continued...

[animewetting]

Tell me what you think. I want your honest opinion.

[AliasnameTO]

That huge block of text is really a chore to read. My suggestion would be to separate it into different paragraphs when somebody speaks.

[animewetting]

That huge block of text is really a chore to read. My suggestion would be to separate it into different paragraphs when somebody speaks.

oh, okay. sorry.

[anime lover]

heh, wow, a refrence to one of my fics, that was unexpected ^_^

pretty short though...

[animewetting]

heh, wow, a refrence to one of my fics, that was unexpected ^_^

pretty short though...

Do you think I should make it longer?

[anime lover]

well there is a 'to be continued' at the end, were you ever planning on finishing the story?

[pisslover12]

well there is a 'to be continued' at the end, were you ever planning on finishing the story?

anime lover has a point. the story ends with 'to be continued', so you have to make another part.

[The_Enigma]

Hmmm...good idea, poor form.  It wasn't absolutely terrible, but neither was it fantastic.

The main problem is that there's no excitement or detail!  You just kind of tell what happens...and the first rule to writing a good story is "show, not tell."

Instead of telling us this; "Katara said she quickly bended the pee out of Azula's urethra, and seperated in in two placing one ball in Mai's bladder, and the other in Ty Lee's.  Both started squirming with the effort of holding Azula's urine in their bladders along with their own."

You could show us this; "Katara said, vengeance in her voice.  In a split second, Katara waved her arms from Azula's urethra into the air in front of her.  Incapable of resisting, Azula gasped as the urine gushed from her urethra like a torrent, pooling in the air.  With another quick wave of her hands, the floating urine snapped into two streams snaking up Ty and Mai's urethras into their already bulging bladders.  Both simultaneously cried out in pain with the extra effort of Azula's urine in their bladders along with their own.  If you looked closely, you could see sweat beginning to bead at their foreheads."

You need to paint us a picture.  The more vivid the description is, the easier it is for the reader to imagine the scenario.  And the easier it is to imagine the scenario, the more enjoyable the experience of reading it is.  Try to work on that a little bit, perhaps for the next installment.

[animewetting]

well there is a 'to be continued' at the end, were you ever planning on finishing the story?

anime lover has a point. the story ends with 'to be continued', so you have to make another part.

I can't make another part if no one wants me to, though.

[animewetting]

Hmmm...good idea, poor form.  It wasn't absolutely terrible, but neither was it fantastic.

The main problem is that there's no excitement or detail!  You just kind of tell what happens...and the first rule to writing a good story is "show, not tell."

Instead of telling us this; "Katara said she quickly bended the pee out of Azula's urethra, and seperated in in two placing one ball in Mai's bladder, and the other in Ty Lee's.  Both started squirming with the effort of holding Azula's urine in their bladders along with their own."

You could show us this; "Katara said, vengeance in her voice.  In a split second, Katara waved her arms from Azula's urethra into the air in front of her.  Incapable of resisting, Azula gasped as the urine gushed from her urethra like a torrent, pooling in the air.  With another quick wave of her hands, the floating urine snapped into two streams snaking up Ty and Mai's urethras into their already bulging bladders.  Both simultaneously cried out in pain with the extra effort of Azula's urine in their bladders along with their own.  If you looked closely, you could see sweat beginning to bead at their foreheads."

You need to paint us a picture.  The more vivid the description is, the easier it is for the reader to imagine the scenario.  And the easier it is to imagine the scenario, the more enjoyable the experience of reading it is.  Try to work on that a little bit, perhaps for the next installment.

Wow, thanks. You're great at that. I'll do that on part two

[pisslover12]

YAY!  YOU'RE MAKING ANOTHER!!!!!!!!

[animewetting]

Here's the second part Pisslover, Its kind of long, but it still worth reading. 

Mai glared at Katara with the utmost fury as Katara stood in front of her , her emotions charged by the pain in her bladder. Katara looked at her. "My my, you must be absolutely bursting, aren't you." Mai said nothing. Katara took a few steps forward and laid her hand on Mai's swollen abdomen. She then gave a firm press, causing Mai to lurch forward in pain "Aagh...stop! You're going to make me burst!" Mai cried out, abandoning her gloomy demeanor. Katara grinned evily. "That would be the point, duh-for-brains" She pressed on the overfilled pouch of water in Mai's body again repeatedly, squashing and shifting the pee around and causing Mai to dribble a bit before stopping. Mai gasped with relief, but Katara had raised her hand, and jammed as far as she copuld into Mai. Gasping, Mai's legs shivered as her creamy pussy began to release its contents. Mai hung her head as a forceful river cascaded out of her, unable to resist the relief she felt. Katara quickly moved her arms in a wavy motion, bending the tremendous amount of pee up from the ground and carrying the deformed sphere to Ty Lee.

Ty Lee was doing much worse than Mai and Azula. She had never had a strong bladder, and she was holding far more than she thought she could. "oh my god... Ty Lee thought frntically. I..I'm completely bursting. I have to pee so bad I can't stand it! If that water girl so much as touches my bladder, its all going to come out! Katara stretched out her arms, making the pee resemble a long worm. She then used her first to fingers to force Ty Lee's urethra open and began quickly feeding the pee into Ty Lee's bladder, like a snake slithering into a hole. You could see Ty Lee's abdomen slowly swelling as her bladder accomodated more urine. She tried to cross her legs, but her bonds wouldn't budge. Katara smiled at her expectantly. Then, with a mighty rush, Ty Lee started to piss like a racehorse, unable to hold back the flood any longer. She succumed to tears of relief and humiliation as her bladder emptied, and she hung there, drenched in her own pee, as Katara made her way to Azula

Metallic beads of sweat formed on Azula's forehead as she struggled to contain the ocean of pee that was exhausting her poor bladder. She had never had to pee this bad in her life. She didn't care about being the cold ruthless tyrant she usually was, all she wanted was to release all of the liquid pent up in her petite body. The only thing keeping her from comepletley disgracing herself was that Katara was standing in front of her, arms crossed, with a devious expression. Katara was slightly reveling in Azula's discomfort. In fact, she found it a bit arousing. As Azula looked around at her friends, she moaned at the sight of pee emptying from their bladders, longing to do the same. Katara did not approach Azula, but instead bended Ty Lee's snaked up Ty Lee's pee into her own bladder until Katara too was bursting to pee. "Wow, I've really got to pee. Here's a nice spot..." Katara got down on her hands and feet, then arched herback before letting out a huge stream of urine. "Aaahhh" Katara sighed in relief as her urine slowly fell onto the ground like a thin waterfall. Unable to look away, Azula threw her head back in agony. "M..must hold on...must not pee...canb't hold it...bladder too full...And Azula gave out, her honey colered nectar streaming from between her legs and pooling at her feet, soaking her legs. Azula sobbed, knowing that Katara had won, that she, Azula, Princess of the Fire Nation, had ot been able to hold her bladder. Katara sat back and watched in satisfaction, finally knowing that these three witches had gotten what they deserved.

[pisslover12]

  awesome! you're great at fanfic!

[The_Enigma]

Here's the second part Pisslover, Its kind of long, but it still worth reading. 

Mai glared at Katara with the utmost fury as Katara stood in front of her , her emotions charged by the pain in her bladder. Katara looked at her. "My my, you must be absolutely bursting, aren't you." Mai said nothing. Katara took a few steps forward and laid her hand on Mai's swollen abdomen. She then gave a firm press, causing Mai to lurch forward in pain "Aagh...stop! You're going to make me burst!" Mai cried out, abandoning her gloomy demeanor. Katara grinned evily. "That would be the point, duh-for-brains" She pressed on the overfilled pouch of water in Mai's body again repeatedly, squashing and shifting the pee around and causing Mai to dribble a bit before stopping. Mai gasped with relief, but Katara had raised her hand, and jammed as far as she copuld into Mai. Gasping, Mai's legs shivered as her creamy pussy began to release its contents. Mai hung her head as a forceful river cascaded out of her, unable to resist the relief she felt. Katara quickly moved her arms in a wavy motion, bending the tremendous amount of pee up from the ground and carrying the deformed sphere to Ty Lee.

Ty Lee was doing much worse than Mai and Azula. She had never had a strong bladder, and she was holding far more than she thought she could. "oh my god... Ty Lee thought frntically. I..I'm completely bursting. I have to pee so bad I can't stand it! If that water girl so much as touches my bladder, its all going to come out! Katara stretched out her arms, making the pee resemble a long worm. She then used her first to fingers to force Ty Lee's urethra open and began quickly feeding the pee into Ty Lee's bladder, like a snake slithering into a hole. You could see Ty Lee's abdomen slowly swelling as her bladder accomodated more urine. She tried to cross her legs, but her bonds wouldn't budge. Katara smiled at her expectantly. Then, with a mighty rush, Ty Lee started to piss like a racehorse, unable to hold back the flood any longer. She succumed to tears of relief and humiliation as her bladder emptied, and she hung there, drenched in her own pee, as Katara made her way to Azula

Metallic beads of sweat formed on Azula's forehead as she struggled to contain the ocean of pee that was exhausting her poor bladder. She had never had to pee this bad in her life. She didn't care about being the cold ruthless tyrant she usually was, all she wanted was to release all of the liquid pent up in her petite body. The only thing keeping her from comepletley disgracing herself was that Katara was standing in front of her, arms crossed, with a devious expression. Katara was slightly reveling in Azula's discomfort. In fact, she found it a bit arousing. As Azula looked around at her friends, she moaned at the sight of pee emptying from their bladders, longing to do the same. Katara did not approach Azula, but instead bended Ty Lee's snaked up Ty Lee's pee into her own bladder until Katara too was bursting to pee. "Wow, I've really got to pee. Here's a nice spot..." Katara got down on her hands and feet, then arched herback before letting out a huge stream of urine. "Aaahhh" Katara sighed in relief as her urine slowly fell onto the ground like a thin waterfall. Unable to look away, Azula threw her head back in agony. "M..must hold on...must not pee...canb't hold it...bladder too full...And Azula gave out, her honey colered nectar streaming from between her legs and pooling at her feet, soaking her legs. Azula sobbed, knowing that Katara had won, that she, Azula, Princess of the Fire Nation, had ot been able to hold her bladder. Katara sat back and watched in satisfaction, finally knowing that these three witches had gotten what they deserved.

Fantastic!  Much, much better!  It's amazing what a little description can do for a piece of writing.  I really got into this one, and it was much easier to visualize.  Bravo, sir, bravo!