Anime Girl Desperation Official Forum

Creative Writing => Fiction => Topic started by: Serika on September 12, 2011, 03:28:34 PM

Title: Hidamari Sketch - Hiro's Hold-it Diet
Post by: Serika on September 12, 2011, 03:28:34 PM
Summary: Hiro learns of a new diet where she holds her pee to avoid feeling hungry. She tries it during a school day and doesn't plan it out very well.

Contents: Teenagers, FD, intentional holding, toilet use, wetting, embarrassment.
Title: Re: Hidamari Sketch - Hiro's Hold-it Diet
Post by: Ranpalan on September 13, 2011, 03:25:37 PM
Good writing.  You start in past tense but switch to present tense very quickly -- I'm not sure if this was intentional, but it sounds off to me.  Looking forward to more.
Title: Re: Hidamari Sketch - Hiro's Hold-it Diet
Post by: Serika on September 13, 2011, 05:36:30 PM
Thanks. I'll admit the first sentence sounds bad, but i just had to have the story begin with her doing that.

I can't remember where, but i have actually heard of this diet before. I must have followed a link from Female Desperation. :p