Learning to like it?

[misa-misa]

Ano...konban wa. Atashi wa Misa-Misa desu. Dozo yoroshiku onegai shiamasu. <3

This is my first post here. I suppose I should have posted in the introductions first? Gomen nasai.

So, my boyfriend is really into female desperation. And has been the whole time I've known him (he posts in this forum).

The problem is, I don't like it. At all.

I'm very much averse to bodily fluids (other than the normal sexual ones. I'm not all that fond of those, either.)

And I'm TERRIFIED of having an accident during playtime. He's not really into the actual "wetting." Just the moe stuff before hand (shifting, wiggling, complaining, humiliation, etc.)

I'm told that "holding" supposedly can feel good for the girl, but the few times I've tried it, all I can feel is discomfort and the fear of having an "accident." I'm pretty sure he would be grossed out if that actually happened, even though he says it would be okay.

Is there anything I can do to make this more enjoyable for me? Anything I can do to lessen the risk? I like some mild S&M stuff, but the potential embarrassment involved with having an accident makes this fetish impossible for me to do.

Arigatou gozaimasu in advance for any advice! <3

[Facestab Fred]

Well, if all you want to do is avoid damaging your clothes, you could stick with diapers.

But if you really don't want to pee in front of him, you could always make your mad dash for the toilet as appealing to him as possible. Bring extra clothes in case, I suppose? The way I see it, the reason why this fetish is so appealing to some is because the girl undergoing it is none too pleased with her situation. The problem appears to be the fact that this kink focuses on humiliation, which no one enjoys because...well, it's humiliating.

[Magic Kitty]

Hmm...that's an interesting question.
I wonder if one can get accustomed to such a thing? Well, anything's possible.

Perhaps I'll just give you my own experience. For me it feels the best when you drink a lot at once, like a tall glass of water or something. Then the feeling of fullness comes on, but it's usually without that fear of actually wetting. At that point I enjoy the feeling but have reasonable control for awhile.
Or maybe you could just...go for it anyway and hold on xD
I'm sure it won't be too bad if you really do accidentally wet yourself....though most likely you won't unless you have a weak bladder. He said he'd be okay with it after all. You might find that you (or both of you) like it after that first time.

[gophergun]

I had a similar issue with a girlfriend of mine. I worry that trying to "learn to like it" just put added stress on her, making her dislike it even more. Either way, the story didn't end well, as I'm sure you can tell by now. All the advice I can offer is to try and let your boyfriend know the situation you'd be most comfortable with, and I'm sure he'll oblige. If it's any consolation, the first time tends to be the hardest.

[Facestab Fred]

Hm. Combine S&M with desperation, in that you're not allowed to use the toilet until he says so (if that's the way things go with you two)? What exactly about bodily fluids do you want to avoid—contact with them, releasing them, etc.?

[Neil]

Hajimemashite Misa-misa..

I can understand your situation. I like seeing girls desperate to pee, but I don't enjoy doing the desperation myself.

Try training your body slowly by drinking lots of water and holding your pee, and try to savour the feeling of desperation. If you're afraid of an accident, make sure to do it near a toilet. Once you're used to the feeling of desperation, try adding some moe stuff and you'll turned him on in no time. It will take time since you don't like this stuff at all, but once you're used to it, you might end up liking the desperation.

Also, like Freddy said, you can combine both S&M with desperation to achieve satisfaction for both you and your partner. Also, it's okay if you have an accident. I'm sure your partner won't mind, plus if he's caring, he can comfort you and stroke your head or whatever, and any embarrassment that you have will probably go away.

I know it's embarrassing for you, but sometimes the embarrassment itself will turn you on.

Ganbatte.

[Dynamic]

The fact that you are terrified to have an accident would make you actually having an accident 950 times cuter.

Just sayin'

[Dynamic]

I contend that a fetish is a learned behaviour, just like anything else.  Granted, given our past experiences we may or may not be more likely to like something, but even so I feel that stating that someone cannot learn to like something is flawed.  I have seen people come around to a particular fetish, especially girls.  In fact, girls are much more flexible than guys when it comes to this kind of thing (in my experience).  A large part of that is due to girls' tendency to want to please their partner.  A girl will derive a significant amount of pleasure from making her partner happy.  In doing that, a positive association can be formed, and before she knows it, the girl can like it just as much as the guy (or more).  Heck, this happened to me and one of my girlfriends a while back.

I'm not saying the above isn't true for guys as well,  but from what I have heard from female friends over the years guys are generally far less flexible.

Honestly, though, I don't think we should be trying to psycoanalyze this stuff too deeply.  If someone likes something, then there doesn't have to be a reason for them to like it.  Likewise with something someone does not like.  I think if someone is on the fence, the best thing then can do is try it and see, so long as it doesn't cause them or anyone else any significant or long-term harm.  Know what I'm sayin?

It's not like we can resolve this now, though.  This debate has been going on since the inception of the community.

In any case, good luck, Ojouchan.

[redeker]

I've read somewhere that the turn-on some girls get when they "hold" is because of their full bladder pressing against their... pelvic area (I can't remember exactly what the bladder is supposed to be pressing. But don't take this as The Truth.)

Just wondering, have you ever had an "accident"? I've also read that the relief some women get when emptying a full bladder is orgasmic (but like before, don't take this as The Truth).

[Kenichi123]

Well, My friend whose a girl, (Not my girlfriend, two different people.) once told me that she didn't enjoy holding it in until her first "experiance" was over. She had to hold it on a train and when she got to her apartment she realized she left her purse on the train while rushing home. She then wet herself outside her apartment. After that she said that holding it in wasn't that big of a deal, and it wasn't as worry-ful as it was before. I really don't know if worryful is a word so... Anyways, What I think you should do, Is when you have to go to the bathroom at work or something, just get sidetracked and wait. Then let it play out.

Well, Goodluck 

[LOLC2k]

You probably won't learn to like it, unfortunately. My last girlfriend did not have this fetish, but she DID enjoy holding it for me, because she was very submissive and liked me to force her to hold it. The holding wasn't really what turned her on, the fact that I wasn't letting her pee was.

As far as I know, after she dumped me and married another guy, she doesn't hold it anymore (except, obviously, when she has to).

[Estregan]

I think you can (and should, for him) try to "learn" it, but in the end, if you don't like it, he has to accept it. Anything you do has to be fun for both, or else... well, I don't want to meddle in your stuff, but someone who doesn't accept his/her partner's feelings can't be "the right one"... So follow the advices given here, but if you still dislike it, tell him and he will accept it if he is a good boyfriend.

[Estregan]

Well said. As far as I understand you, our main difference is that you think it is okay when he wants to have a girlfriend (or even wife) who is into desperation, while I... well, I guess it sounded like I made him a "bad" person then - which I actually didn't want to do. So I could agree with what you wrote quite well - if it was my business. It is not, so my opinion is only one of many - but about the same as yours, at least.

[CDB]

The fact that you are terrified to have an accident would make you actually having an accident 950 times cuter.

Just sayin'

Agreed.

As far as addressing your concerns about holding it though, I think the main thing you need to do in order to help yourself feel more comfortable is just to create a situation where it would be okay for you to have an accident if it did happen.

Well, if all you want to do is avoid damaging your clothes, you could stick with diapers.

But if you really don't want to pee in front of him, you could always make your mad dash for the toilet as appealing to him as possible. Bring extra clothes in case, I suppose?

You could also try putting a protective pad or sheet on the bed. Diapers are a pretty good option though. If you decide to go that route, I'd suggest ordering some Bambino Biancos here. Most of the diapers you can find at your local drug store have a tendency to leak, especially if you wet them all at once with a full bladder, as you would if you were holding until you had an accident. With Bambinos, you wouldn't have to worry about leaks, as they are so absorbent it is damn near impossible to make them leak even if you try. It seems like they might be a good option for you even if you didn't end up having an accident, since you would be able to be more comfortable knowing that anything you can't hold, the diaper will. Might be easier than bringing that change of clothes.