Pulling the Excalibur

[Serika]

Everybody has heard of the legendary sword in the stone, or Excalibur, right?

Let's say you're out on vacation one day and you find this cave in the wilderness. You see the sword in this picture after stepping inside. If you pull it out of the stone, you will fight some monsters, 2 orcs and a lich (beating them will be easy with the "stat boosts" this sword gives you) that appear out of nowhere and then become a king when you leave the cave. You will have power, money, respect, be above the law, and girls will want to have sex with you because you're the king.

If you fail to pull the sword out of the stone you will have to fight the monsters anyway, but in this case you will be unarmed.

The sword might come out if you try, but there is no guarantee. The odds are about as good as a coin toss. Would you attempt to take the Excalibur?


edit: If you post here and say you would try it i will flip a coin and tell you what happens.

[Lisk]

Sure, why not. Possible benefits are too good to miss this chance. Besides, there's always a chance to either beat the monsters fair and square or run away from them. The lich could be either a problem or a certain death, depending on what kind of a lich we're talking bout, final fantasy one (and if so, which one) or D&D one.

[Serika]

I don't feel like digging up a DnD Monster Manual so let's just say this lich is the fiend of earth from Final Fantasy 1.

*flips a quarter* Ohhh, sorry. Tails = fails.



So Lisk, you find this sword after walking through a short narrow tunnel which opens up into a large room. The warning about the monsters is carved into the stone in modern day English, but you decide to give it a try. Unfortunately, the sword stubbornly refuses to budge. After yanking on it for about 10 seconds, the lich appears from a cloud of smoke and brings 2 large orcs with him.

It becomes obvious that you aren't going to beat the orcs with your bare hands when one of them swings it's club against the cave wall and puts a huge crack in it. Pulling the sword was worth a try, but you're smart enough to know that it's time to leave. As you run through the tunnel, the lich casts Flare (Nuke on the NES) and it catches your clothes on fire.

You barely escape with your life. You manage to out run the orcs and the lich doesn't want to follow you outside. At least you have a cool story to tell your friends.

[Faust]

Eh. Faust could use a laugh, so he figures he'd pull it too. =3=

To quote Jade Curtiss:
Don't worry. The worst that could happen is that we all Die.

[Serika]

Eh. Faust could use a laugh, so he figures he'd pull it too. =3=

*flips quarter* Tails = fails. Damn, lady luck is being a cruel mistress today.


One day, Faust stumbles upon this same cave and finds the legendary Excalibur waiting inside. With little regard for the ominous warning chiseled into the stone, he grabs the hilt of the sword and gives it a tug. It would have been nice if the sword had slid out, but alas, it was not to be. No sooner does he let go than the lich and his two orc buddies show up for the fun.

Faust smoothly dodges the orcs when they attack, but in doing so he puts the large, smelly creatures between himself and the exit. With nowhere left to go, the lich is able to catch him and pull out his soul, then place it inside the body of Justin Bieber, whose soul the lich had just eaten minutes ago. Faust sneaks out of the cave when the lich isn't looking, but he isn't Faust anymore, he is Justin Bieber, complete with stage performances and crazy female stalkers.

[Mydnyght Edgeworth]

Ah, screw it, I'll go for it too. And should I fail, make my death really quick and totally painless. Please? T-T
(*grasps Excalibur's hilt and hopes for the best*)

[Serika]

(*grasps Excalibur's hilt and hopes for the best*)

*flips quarter* Heads = WIN


While on vacation, Mydnyght enters a cave in order to get out of the rain. The only thing inside the cave is a sword lodged in a stone, on which is written a legend of horrible monsters. It sounds like bad news, but against his better judgement he grabs the hilt and pulls. He is glad that the sword comes out with ease, because as soon as it slides out of the stone the lich and the two orcs teleport into the cave and surround him.

The orcs attack from both sides, raising their clubs with an idiotic sounding war cry. They both explode into gore when Mydnyght swings the shining sword full circle, painting the cave walls red with orc guts. By now, the lich has finished chanting a Nuke spell and flings it at Mydnyght. It is deflected by another swing of the sword, sending it back at the lich with a boom that echoes through the cave.

Outside, it is still raining and Mydnyght is not looking forward to the hour long walk to the hotel, but when he leaves the cave there is a limo waiting for him. The chauffeur opens the door for him and says, "Hm, your clothes smell like burnt... oh well, let's get you back to the mansion so you can change. You need to look your best for your ascension to the throne, your highness."


(Are we having fun yet? )

[Ultima02]

I would try.  I want to be able to defend myself, and I think I am pure of intent.

(which begs the question: why the f--k am I even here?!)

[Serika]

I think I am pure of intent. (which begs the question: why the f--k am I even here?!)

Aw don't worry, it won't be too much longer before you get corrupted by this place.



So one day you find an empty cave with Excalibur in it and you decide to pull the sword. Your intentions are indeed pure... but that is not necessarily what the legendary sword is looking for. The requirements for pulling it aren't even written on the stone, so when you try... It's stuck! It won't fucking come out!! Oh shit, oh shit...! Oh damn it, now the monsters are teleporting into the room and there's no way out!

Tails = fails

The two orcs each grab an arm and pick you up before you can say "OH SHI-". They carry you into a secret room and strap you into a chair. Next, the lich comes in and sets an old TV in front of you. When he turns the TV on, it starts playing The Song That Doesn't End. You are unable to break out of your restraints and the song plays nonstop, draining your sanity day by day. You are released back into society only after you go completely insane from listening to it.

Just so you know, the monsters don't appear if you don't touch the sword.

[Ultima02]

So one day you find an empty cave with Excalibur in it and you decide to pull the sword. Your intentions are indeed pure... but that is not necessarily what the legendary sword is looking for. The requirements for pulling it aren't even written on the stone, so when you try... It's stuck! It won't fucking come out!! Oh shit, oh shit...! Oh damn it, now the monsters are teleporting into the room and there's no way out!

Tails = fails

The two orcs each grab an arm and pick you up before you can say "OH SHI-". They carry you into a secret room and strap you into a chair. Next, the lich comes in and sets an old TV in front of you. When he turns the TV on, it starts playing The Song That Doesn't End. You are unable to break out of your restraints and the song plays nonstop, draining your sanity day by day. You are released back into society only after you go completely insane from listening to it.

FFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!

[ryuuzakikun]

Heh. There was never even a choice.

*pulls the blade with zero contemplation*

Whatever happens, happens.

[Serika]

*pulls the blade with zero contemplation*

As luck would have it, you are lost in the wilderness. At least you find shelter before night falls; a small cave with a legendary sword in it. There's something carved into the stone, but you don't even bother to read it before grabbing the sword. The Lich teleports in with his two orcs... and also four trolls, some zombies, a dozen skeletons, a mummy, a wight, and Ultros. Also the air above you is swarming with bats that can change into vampires. Just as they surround you... the sword slides out of the stone!

Heads = WIN

The Lich seems upset over this and orders everyone else to charge in first while he prepares a NUKE spell. You raise Excalibur above your head just as they charge in. The blade glows as power quickly builds up. A white hot fire covers the blade when you swing it down, launching a massive energy attack that cuts a swath through the monsters and vaporizes the Lich before he can finish his spell. The energy crashes into the side of the cave, shaking the ground with enough force to register as a 5.5 on the richter scale in the nearest town. When the smoke clears, all the monsters have been turned to dust, except for Ultros who decided to run away instead of fight. Amazingly, this cloud of dust didn't even get on your clothes.

Life is good when you go home. You gained 65,000 exp from that fight and went up several levels so now you look totally ripped and women fight each other over your body because of it. You pay off the entire national debt with your pocket change and are credited with saving the economy. No terrorist would dare oppose your rule so you are also credited with bringing world peace. You are the best king ever!

[ryuuzakikun]

Life is indeed a pretty sweet fruit. 

[Ultima02]

Life is indeed a pretty sweet fruit. 

No.  For some, life is hell.